Birth Works Feature Articles

...for the mind

Letting go of Logic

In childbirth classes, expectant fathers may have as many questions as mothers do. But the fathers’ questions often come from a very different point of view. 

The mothers’ questions are often about sensations and feelings, “What do contractions feel like?” and “How do I stay motivated when I feel like giving up?”  They understand and accept that there are variables and a wide range of possible experiences.  They want to understand the different scenarios that they might encounter.  Having an array of options to deal with the circumstances they may encounter allows them to feel more comfortable.

The fathers seem less accepting of indefinite answers.  They want to know the absolute signs, the moment that labor starts, that they should leave for the hospital, that their laboring partner should change position and exactly what that position should be.  They want to know exactly what to do at all times.  In other words, they want to apply logic to the situation.

Logic may work in many circumstances, but labor is not a logical, compartmentalized process.  Labor is an instinctive process; each mother, each baby, each contraction is unique.  It can be difficult for a logical person to let go and feel comfortable with trusting the natural process.  This trust is an integral part of the teaching that we do in childbirth classes.  The understanding that the process was created perfectly, and that there is nothing that we can do to improve on that other than following our instincts.  It is a huge “a-ha moment” for the fathers to understand that women are not thinking their way through labor but rather moving through labor as if it were a dance, with labor leading and mother following, and the greatest gift they can give to the laboring mother is simply their loving companionship. 

...for the body

The Father Bond

By Ame Solomon, CPM (Originally published in the Birth Works® International Newsletter, July 2005)

We know that women’s hormones surge during the weeks and months postpartum.  Now findings show that such physical shifts are not limited to mothers.  Two recent studies on hormonal changes in males whose partners were pregnant or had just had a baby indicate a physiological bond between father and child as well.  The first study, published by psychologist Anne Storey in Evolution and Human Behavior, monitored hormone levels in 34 couples with a special focus on prolactin, cortisol and testosterone.  Katherine Wynne-Edwards conducted the second study to test Storey’s original work; the results were published in the Mayo Clinic Proceedings. Both of the researchers came to similar conclusions about the effects of hormonal changes in new dads and dads-to-be.

... for the spirit

The Daddymoon

We often hear the term “Babymoon” used to describe the early days and weeks that a new mother spends with her baby.  But we don’t hear about a comparable a period of adjustment for a man to fall in love with his baby and new role as father.

Frequently, a new dad will arrange to take time off from work during the first week or two after the birth of the baby.  The father’s intention is often that while the new mother recovers and spends her time cultivating her breastfeeding knowledge and learning her baby’s signals, he can be the one to manage the visitors, run out for diapers, do the laundry, and household chores. 

Fathers may feel that they too, wish to spend this time with their new son or daughter, allowing their baby to learn to identify him through sound, smell and touch.  Although babies primarily need to be with their mothers, who meet their nutritional needs, there is plenty of involvement left for fathers – and not just changing diapers.  Fathers can sit with their partner while she is nursing the baby, so that the baby can associate Daddy’s presence with being fed even if he is not the one offering the milk.  Dad will enjoy having his own sling or front carrier, adjusted to his own height, to wear his baby.  Daddy can hold and interact with his baby at those times when Mom is feeling “touched out.”

The birth of a baby is also the birth of a family.  A father feels more like a part of that family when his introduction to fatherhood is one of being celebrated, affirmed and cared for, rather than being overwhelmed and overburdened.  Having someone other than the new father to take on the role of caretaker for the household will help him to embrace this role positively and enter into a wonderful parenting partnership.  This role can be filled by a postpartum doula, or by a non-intrusive grandma or friend.

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Birth Works E News has been written to provide information on Birth Works, Inc. programs and general information about pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding. The information provided is not intended as a substitute for professional consultation with a childbirth educator, lactation consultant, doula, midwife, or physician.